Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Another birthday comes and goes..

So I am another year older..strange but I dont seem to feel it inside..only when I look in the mirror am I reminded that I am truly seeing the changes.You cannot escape getting older.
I also feel quite lonely, in a way, as this is the first birthday where both my parents are no longer around.
Dad has been gone for a few years now, and mum, even though she is still on this side of the veil, cannot remember anyone and she does not recognise me - so in a way she is disappearing a bit at a time and I am no longer her shild.
Friends come and go and family is very busy doing their own thing - big girl is in Melbourne and little girl is in her own world ( as they are at 16 ). Long suffering husband has been not well for many months and its still a struggle for him to have a good day at the moment so I am a bit melancholy about another year passing and time slipping away.
Maybe watching "Eat, Love, Pray" and the romantic notion of life being eternally exciting made me fancifully think that it might be nice to indulge in some escapism - a valuable component is missing though. Cash!
Kind of puts a spanner in the works...
So instead I need to be grateful that I do have a bunch of sweet people I can call friends, who do come and go and thats ok.
I have had parents who tried their best in spite of the most terrible of lives of struggle and hardship and it is time for their next journeys to begin and I need to let them go.
I have two healthy and mostly happy girls who are making decisions about what it is they want to do with their lives and I need to just stand by and be there if they need me.
I have a beautiful husband who can get very exasperated with me a times but who, I know, loves me and puts up with all of my strange ideas.
And I can dissappear, for free, any time I choose - in my head, to wherever I want, if I just learn how to let go......

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