The last Chapter

Finally I feel great relief that my mother is no longer suffering in a body that does not function any more. Finally there is relief from pain and confusion for her.I feel only relief.
This is hard for others to understand and I know that not being wracked with grief may seem inappropriate but I am truely so happy for mum right now.
I know that wherever her spirit might be she will be singing and dancing.
She is not around me, I dont feel her - I did not expect to.
Just like my dad, she is gone and doing her own thing.
I can talk to her now and get her full attention - she can be by my side whenever I want her to be.
This IS the final chapter in a very difficult life. Now she can finally rest and be at peace.
It is unfortunate that I believe she waited for my brother to come and see her - but he chose not to to for his own personal reasons. Whatever those reasons might be they are his and he has to live with his decisions, I do feel that mum would have passed earlier if he had made the trip to Sydney to see her.
Now we just have to get through the funeral bit - I am relieved that I had a chance to organise most of it while I still could think straight. Now I just have to finalise some details.
I will also then take time to carry out my own small ritual after the "family" part is over - something meaningful for me.
I went through a lot of emotions over the past months - I realised that all of this is far more complicated than I would ever have imagined.Even though I knew that you should not judge anyone going through grief, I now so totally understand that everyone's process can be so very different. I did not even expect some things to happen or others to effect me. I thank EVERYONE who has stood by me, thought of me, my family and my mum and sent best wishes - it is your love and kindness that helped me carry on and get through.