Sunday 13 February 2011

You have to do what you have to do....sometimes.

I continue to visit with my mum in Sydney - she is rapidly becoming more fragile. Not eating now and very little fluid intake. Just letting nature take its course. I went on Friday with my husband and today I went on my own. I could sit as long as I wanted to. Although this is a painful experience - like hitting myself over the head with a hammer...I know if I go I will feel pain, but that is not a good enough reason not to go. I know mum still recognises me and she is happy to have some human contact - the nursing staff ( flat out with all the others ) tend to leave her in her room only to turn her once an hour. She cannot tell me what she needs, maybe she is past that. I know she is tired and maybe just over it all. It is incredibly sad to see her in this state - how anyone could wish to prolong their loved ones life when they are in this state is beyond me.
There is plenty more going on in my life with work and the new side of the business getting ready to begin but I seem to be in this limbo - I expalined it to my husband as feeling in a parallel universe -not in the real world, just observing it, feeling raw and on edge and not comfortable.
I will most probably remain in this state until mum has found peace.

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